Dear Me, Aged 15

Dear Me,
Right now, you probably feel like your whole world is a mess. Everything around you seems to be crumbling and you're feeling lost and completely alone in the world.
I'm here to tell you that things will get better.
That boy you think you're in love with, you're not. Give it a month or so and you won't be speaking to him anymore at all. Scary, I know. I won't lie to you, my little self, its going to hurt like a bitch. You're going to have some of the lowest lows over these next few months as you find out about all the things he's done and lied about. BUT, you will be okay. There will be a lot of tearful phonecalls and dramatic arguments, but you will get through it. You will feel like you will never be able to forgive him but give it a few months. He'll come back and be a better friend than you ever thought he could.
As for Nan, get yourself down to that hospital NOW. Stop being a arrogant kid and pretending that you have more important things to do than see her. In a month of so, you're going to have to be strong for your family and you can't do that when you're feeling guilty.
Love every minute of your upcoming BTEC shows. They are the happiest you will feel in a long while. Have confidence in yourself because there is a lot of people watching who think you're amazing. Make sure you never lose sight of your dreams either, because things like relationships and trying to fit in with the cool crowd won't last forever. And I'll let you in on a secret, by next year they'll be your best friends anyway. So don't stress about it!
The last thing I'll tell you is that you really don't need to worry about anything. You're too scared all the time and you have no need. You have amazing people around you that won't be running away any time soon. You'll come to realise that when you look back, this is the time of your life you should have been enjoying while you could. Give it a few years and you won't have this freedom anymore. So live every second of it, because if I could do it all over again, I would.
I'll be seeing you soon...in three years precisely...
From
You x

End of an Era

So, uni is coming to an end for my first year and I can't help but feel reflective. This time last year I was someone completely different, I couldn't switch on an oven, let alone understand the mysterious workings of a washing machine. Now, I'm almost independant and I'm someone else.
This last year has been eventful. I've made mistakes, I've fallen in love, I've had my heart broken more times than I want to count and I've picked myself up every time. I've learnt that things like trust are overrated, that people are definitely not always who you think they are. I've seen people change from something perfect to something I can't even stand to look at. I've had to learn that some people are not worth the effort and that letting go isn't always a bad thing. There's all sorts of new games I've learnt too: the boat, fingers, fuck you and snap (not the version I was used to). I've witnessed more sick and hangovers than any nurse and I've suffered only two myself.
I've felt the happiest I've ever felt and the saddest too. I've hit all new highs and ever lower lows. My defensive shell is now always on up and I beginning to wonder whether I will actually ever go back to being normal again.
As for actual learning, I think I can safely say that being a fresher is NOT intended to educate you in whatever subject you are taking, its to prepare you for the shit you're going to go through for the next two years.
All things said and done, I wouldn't change much. However, if I was given the oppurtunity to give myself one bit of advice last september before we started, it would be this:
Don't spend so much time thinking about the mistakes you are bound to make. Enjoy the ride and make sure you get straight back on it when its all over.


Thank you university. £40 pounds an hour for pain, misery, heartache, hunger, poverty, one night stands, hangovers and chundering. Well worth the money, I think!

Overcoming Difficulties

Today, I was introduced to the magical world of Angel Cards.
For those of you who dont know what Angel Cards are, they're cards (obviously) with messages on them. You ask the deck of cards a question, shuffle and pick. Hopefully you get something that will relate back to your question. If you dont, your brain will tell you it should fit and you'll jump to a logical conclusion. Basic psychology.
Anyway, this Angel Card said 'The worst is now behind you and you are surmounting any previous challenges.' Well. Considering the question I asked was about a problem I am CURRENTLY having, this wasn't much use. However, it sparked a rather interesting conversation...
You see, my life is full of drama. And I don't mean in a 'oh my gosh, my iphone won't recieve texts!' kind of way. Any situation that could potentially go wrong, will go wrong. Its just a simple fact of the 'Sophie' condition. When I read my card out and turned my nose up at it, I got the response..
'Yeah, but if your life wasnt full of drama, you wouldnt be happy anyway...'
So. True.
I may complain an awful lot about the crap I go through on a day to day basis, but I wouldnt have it any other way. I'd rather inflict the pain on myself than I would choose anyone else to go through it.
I'm so selfless. And modest. Obviously.
Anyway, none of this matters. I spoke to my Dad (a hippy) earlier and he told me I was using the cards wrong, hence the confusing reading. Something about tapping the cards before I shuffled to knock the last question out of them.
Sceptical about Angel Cards?
Definitely.
Did it stop me buying a pack for myself?

No. No it didn't.